If you’ve moved to London and you’ve been here for about a month or so… you’ve most likely started to feel the familiar pangs of homesickness! After the initial excitement of new sights, new sounds, new everything, starts to wear off and the paranoia of not having a job and/ or not having a list of friends to call and hang out with any more starts to set in… the feeling of “oh my god what did I JUST do” starts to rear it’s ugly head…
BUT FEAR NOT!!!! IT GETS BETTER!!! much much much MUCH better!! but you have to stick it out.. and you have to allow yourself to be homesick! Because once you get through to the other side, you’ll be so proud of yourself and you’ll know it was all worth it!
For me the homesickness started to hit hard as soon as December started. I thought I was doing so well until about mid-November. I was trying to keep my spirits up while applying for over 100 jobs and getting no responses. I had found a place to live with the BEST flat mates EVER, and I was doing my best to get out and meet people. Then the Christmas commercials started….
As you may be able to tell by my name, i LOVE Christmas.. My nickname is Krismas for that specific reason and it’s somehow stuck. But the reasons I love Christmas weren’t there for me this year.. I wouldn’t be throwing my annual Krismas party for friends and family, because I didn’t have friends to throw it for.. my 5 boxes of Christmas decorations would stay sitting in my parents storage locker, sad and unused.. I was beyond bummed that I wouldn’t be home for Christmas this year to the point I had to walk out of John Lewis one evening because I couldn’t listen to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” without thinking of home… I know.. melodramatic.. let the violins play…but I really just wanted to hibernate all through Christmas and New Years and know that by next Christmas things would be 100 times better.
Now, that’s not to say I had a miserable Christmas, I actually had a genuinely awesome first Christmas in London thanks to some special people and it was filled with a lot of really good memories that I get to keep with me. So I am very lucky and thankful to have had a very Krismasy Christmas when I thought it was going to be a miserable one spent by myself. It was actually really great. But back to the homesickness..
What’s really tough about dealing with being homesick was that it wasn’t missing friends and family that was making me upset. If i needed a dose of home, I had Skype, Whatsapp, FaceTime, I could talk to the people back home when I wanted (as long as the time zones allowed). It was the feeling of being in Limbo. For a period of time I really felt like I didn’t belong here, but also I didn’t belong in Vancouver. It’s a hard feeling to describe but when you talk to others in the same boat, it’s extremely common. It’s like you left your old life behind, but don’t know what you’re new life looks like yet. You know there’s a reason why you left but when you’re feeling homesick you’re craving that comfort of knowing what the next day, month, year will most likely bring. I missed the security of knowing where my next paycheque was coming from, and knowing I had plans on the weekends to see the friends I was missing. I missed coming home to my apartment in New West with all of my stuff and a closet full of clothes. After you move and you realize you no longer have that, it’s a really scary and very isolating feeling, especially in a city as large as London! You’ll be walking down a street crowded with hundreds of people shoving their way through, but you’ll feel completely alone because you don’t have anyone there to talk about these day to day mundane activities anymore. And until you start meeting people in the same situation, it’s really hard to communicate that to everyone back home because even though they want to help, it’s not something they can relate to unless they’ve done a huge move themselves.
My friends and family were extremely encouraging when I felt like I wasn’t cut out for this and feeling like I needed to jump on the next plane to Vancouver and I’m so thankful they stuck by me through all the tearful phone calls and text rants that they had to endure during what I’d like to call my PMMB 🙂 (“post move mental breakdown”). But part of me felt like such a sham. I felt like here I am in London, my favourite city in the World, posting pictures on Facebook of Big Ben and the London Eye, “living the life”, when in actual fact, it was the loneliest I had ever felt. It was like I was letting everyone down every time someone would ask what exciting things I had been doing and I had to respond with “sitting on the couch applying for jobs that I’m not getting”. Everyone who was so excited for me and who knew how much I wanted this.. and I felt like I was letting them and myself down because I shouldn’t feel like wanting to give up.
Since I wasn’t working and was trying to build up a brand new social circle, there were days where I really wanted to give up. I was bored, I was running out of money, and my confidence levels were at an all time low with not feeling like I was good enough for any job. But as I’ve mentioned in my post on meeting people, the Canadian Meet-Up Group really was a life saver for me.. I was able to meet people who were in the same state I was in (new to the city and still figuring it all out) and I was also able to meet people who had already gone through what I was going through at the time. What a relief to know I wasn’t the only one who had a tough time finding a job, or that missed being able to hop in their car and drive wherever they wanted! But most of all it was a relief to know that I was allowed to have those down days and not feel like I was being ungrateful for being given this opportunity.
One thing that everyone kept telling me is that things were going to get better!!!
And they did!!! As soon as the New Year started I began to see that light at the end of the tunnel!! After letting go of my negative thinking and focusing on the reasons why I came here and that this was supposed to be an adventure and a new life for me, I’ve now landed an incredible job which I am loving more and more with each week I’m there, I’ve developed a core group of really kind and supportive friends who keep my motivation levels up, as well as teach me new things every day, and I’m enjoying each day in London for everything it has to offer! My week nights and weekends are once again filled with fun things to do and things I would have never done back home! and that’s why I’m here! To experience what I can’t back home… I’m even signing up for a dance class devoted to Michael Jackson choreography. How cool is that!!!
The point is, it’s going to be rough and the length of time it’s going to be rough will be different for everyone. For me it was about a month of ups and downs. But what’s important is to not beat yourself up about it. And also let your self go through it as it’s just part of the process. It’s almost like grieving the loss of a loved one. You’re letting go of the life you had before and you’re opening yourself up to a new life that’s filled with opportunities you don’t even know exist yet!
Just know it gets SO MUCH BETTER.. and know that you should be proud of yourself for making the GIGANTIC leap of faith into this new world! If it was easy, everyone would be doing it. It’s the big decisions and rough patches that make us who we are and make us stronger! I’d like to think I’m not the same somewhat naive girl I was when I stepped off the plane last October. Instead I’m a little wiser, a little less gullible, and I walk with my head held higher!! I now feel like after surviving the past couple of months, I really can conquer anything! And knowing I’ve built a life over here all by myself… it’s the most empowering feeling in the world!
Goodnight London
Krismas x
krismasinlondon 